Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Randomize
