theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
