the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
