You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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