what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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