Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
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