Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
