Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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