nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Randomize
