and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
