I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Randomize