she was so not down for the gang bang
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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