The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
