I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
