Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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