If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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