god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
