i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
