Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Is Oprah even human
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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