what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
