it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
