The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
