yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
