I cannot find my penis.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
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