So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
