Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Randomize
