Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Randomize
