I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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