So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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