the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Randomize
