my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
