I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
