a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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