my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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