Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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