So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
