I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Randomize
