i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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