I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Randomize
