guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
