these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Randomize
