Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
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