Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
