Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
