so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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