you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Randomize
