never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Randomize
