my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
