Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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