I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
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