I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
