Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
