Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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