I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Randomize