Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
