dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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