Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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