There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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