its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Keanu Reeves Photobombed A Couple’s Wedding Photos As A Perfect Gift
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
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My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
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