I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Randomize
