The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
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