We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
i would one night stand the shit outta him
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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