oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
