I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
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