First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize
