I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
There are leaves in my underwear?
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