we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Randomize
