I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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