Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
