Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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