You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
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