there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
